Shiloh
by mystripedskirt
Summary: Perhaps they were the same after all. David/Blair, Jack/Blair; re-post


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

AN: This was first posted in 2009, but I felt some minor changes were necessary. Enjoy!

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><p><em>What is your satisfaction?<br>I'll give you all you need  
>What do I have to do to make you<br>Want to fall in love with me?  
>Fall in love with me<em>

_-Innerpartysystem "Obsession"_

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><p><strong>New York<strong>

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><p><em>Chuck Bass has just left her penthouse when Blair Waldorf hastily discards his Tiffany and Co. bag. She doesn't care to see what's in it like she doesn't care to see him. Carter Baizen's right arm is still meticulously tucked around her waist and in this moment, she is almost happy.<em>

_He grabs her roughly, the way she likes it, when he pulls her toward him to steal a kiss. His tongue tastes like scotch and unfiltered cigarettes with just a touch of broken promises and pleasurable times to come. She welcomes this newness like she welcomes the sudden changes in her life._

_She wears an indecently short Versace – by her standards, anyway – and five-inch Louboutins as she grasps Carter's hand, dragging him into her elevator. One of his hands hovers dangerously close to her ass as he grazes his fingertips across it. As she settles in against him when they ride downstairs, she can see his curved smirk in the elevator's mirrors._

_She's not surprised he has a limo waiting for them. He was always conscientious to the right people. The sleeve of his gray Hermes blazer rides up when he opens the door for her, letting her slide in first. She situates herself in the center of the backseat, letting him in beside her. Predictably, he puts a muscled arm around her and leans in to kiss her on the temple._

_They've ridden through two blocks when there's a loud crash and suddenly everything goes black._

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><p><strong>Shiloh<strong>

* * *

><p>It's only a few moments later when Blair wakes up in the limo to find Carter still beside her, but his arm is not around her. He's staring out the window as if nothing has happened. It's like she doesn't exist to him.<p>

"Aren't you going to ask if I'm okay?" Blair asks, slightly hurt.

He turns around, his expression cold, "Why wouldn't you be okay?"

Blair's face is disbelieving as she responds, "We just crashed."

This time Carter laughs, but it's not playful and she's not sure what's changed, "I know you were asleep, _sweetheart_, but we didn't crash."

Blair sticks her head closer to the window to see the side of the limousine. Everything appears normal and she isn't sure what's happening. When she looks outside her window, she sees the expanse of New York City, but it doesn't look like New York City.

She thinks she's going crazy when she asks, "Where are we?"

Carter's laughing when he responds, "Alright, I'll play your game, sweetheart. We're in Shiloh, the capital of my father's country."

She asks, "Excuse me? What's Shiloh?"

This time he looks like her like she's an invalid before saying, "Did you hit your head or something? We're in _Shiloh_, the capital of _Gilboa_, the country where my father reigns king."

The way he drags out these foreign words makes her so confused and Blair's thinking she must have hit her head _really_ hard, because she has no idea what the hell he is talking about.

"Carter?" she asks in a small voice, but by now she can almost figure out that this boy sitting in front of her is not Carter Baizen. _Perhaps I'm dreaming_, she thinks.

"Who's Carter?" the man in front of her asks.

He continues, "Is he a friend of yours?"

He seems genuinely nicer now, but his brows are still furrowed at her as he takes her face into his hands. He seems to be checking for signs of a concussion.

His voice is much softer when he asks, "Do you remember who I am?"

She shakes her head no, because she honestly does not know this man sitting next to her.

"Prince Jack Benjamin at your service," he begins, with a false salute and a smirk rivaling Carter's, before he adds, though more to himself, "I'll have to take you to the hospital."

With a glance at his watch — which has a large butterfly in the center, Blair notices — this Jack Benjamin resumes speaking, "There's not a lot of time to get you checked out, so maybe I'll have my sister look in on you. Yes, I'll do that."

Jack leaves Blair in the hospital with nothing more than a quick kiss on her cheek and a promise that he will see her soon.

* * *

><p>She shivers from the cold of the hospital room and notices that nothing here is loud. There is a bustling metropolis outside that appears to be four times the size of her beloved Manhattan, but it is quiet here, in this room.<p>

The doctor discovers she has no concussion, but prescribes a little bed rest anyway. He orders her to stay here until a member of the royal faction can come pick her up.

* * *

><p>Blair wakes up several hours later in the same hospital when there's a shuffling around her and she opens her eyes to see a handsome blond in some sort of navy military uniform. He's breathing heavily like he ran all the way here and Blair reminds herself not to get mad at someone she has yet to know.<p>

"I'm Bl-"

But she doesn't even get to finish before the boy responds eagerly, "Blair Waldorf, yes, I know."

He gives her a genuine grin before extending his hand, "Captain David Shepherd."

He looks so proud of this fact that it takes all of her will not to laugh, "Have we met? I'm sorry, I apparently hit my head earlier and couldn't even remember Jack's name," she lies smoothly.

The boy's now frowning, "No, we haven't."

He checks her forehead with his hand before uttering, "I don't actually know what I'm doing. Did you have a concussion?"

Blair shakes her head, smiling, "So do I get to go home now?"

He offers her a hand and helps her step down from the stiff examination bed. She gladly takes it and pleasantly notices that their fingers tingle as they touch.

* * *

><p>The palace at Shiloh is unlike anything Blair has ever seen. It's grandiose and screams <em>new money<em>, but she supposes that in this alternate reality, she is a part of this unwelcome revolution.

It's been a week since the hospital visit and she's interacted with her Jack and his pretty sister Michelle often. She knows now that their Uncle Benjamin heads CrossGen, the company benefiting from the war Gilboa is fighting with Gath.

She knows Gilboa has the money, but Gath has the weapons, and living in this world of utter chaos and destruction is ultimately very scary to her.

Interacting with Jack is strange because his face makes her want to kiss him, but his demeanor is so different from Carter's that she knows she can't. Perhaps this will change, but she tries her best to avoid staring at him for long periods of time.

* * *

><p>There's a ball to celebrate the new treaty between the rival territories when Blair realizes she has nothing of importance to wear. Her room in this castle is stocked with a variety of beautiful clothing, but nothing seems to be suitable for a formal ball.<p>

One of Queen Rose's army of palace workers hand delivers a beautiful floor-length gown made of crimson silk. It drapes neatly to the floor as she tries it on, delicately fingering the meticulously sewn pleats. The craftsmanship is beyond gorgeous, and she knows this custom gown took hundreds of hours to hand make.

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><p>The palace ballroom has completely changed décor when Blair enters the room with Michelle. The other petite brunette is wearing an elegant emerald gown that shimmers in the chandelier's soft light. Across the room, the males glance at the girls. Michelle doesn't seem to notice.<p>

Blair takes a glass of champagne and asks if Michelle wants one.

Michelle looks at her quizzically before responding, "You really did hit your head hard, didn't you?"

Blair's confused before Michelle continues with a smile, "I don't drink."

All Blair can manage is an, "Oh," before she realizes that she sounds like a complete idiot.

* * *

><p>Jack's across the room sitting on a chair surrounded by four girls. They're talking animatedly, but Blair has to remind herself not to stare. <em>Even here, he's not mine<em>, she has to remind herself, before she does something completely inappropriate.

Michelle leaves to talk to Reverend Samuels so Blair finishes the rest of her champagne before searching for another glass. She doesn't have to wait long because a member of Rose's army — and they seem so much more proficient at what they do than King Silas's — comes over faster than she can beckon. She wonders if she can take one of them back home with her, if she ever gets to return home.

Her second glass is half empty before she receives a tap on the shoulder and it's that Captain David Shepherd, decked out in the same military uniform as last time. She flashes him a smile which he returns.

He hasn't said anything so she raises an eyebrow and asks, "Did you want to ask me to dance or something?"

Now he's smiling so hard his dimples are showing and it's so endearing that Blair has to smile as well.

He shakes his head before he laughs, exclaiming, "After that fiasco with Michelle, I don't think I'll ever try public dancing again."

With this information, Blair stares at Michelle and instantly labels her Serena's prissy, smaller twin. She couldn't even be the star here. Life was still unfair in this world so many worlds away from her own.

Blair feigns sickness, clasping a hand to her head, "You know, I actually think I have a fever. I'm going to go lie down."

She doesn't give him time to respond before she bolts.

* * *

><p>"He likes you, you know," Michelle tells her knowingly over lunch one day.<p>

It's a rare lunch by themselves and Blair tells herself to cherish it. Michelle was actually a very lovely girl who in no way resembled her missed best friend.

Blair decides to be play dumb and ask, "Who?"

Michelle doesn't roll her eyes when she warmly responds, "David, of course," but she frowns slightly before adding, "And you have to know my brother's profound idiocy by now. You've been around for a while."

"I think David likes you," Blair counters.

This time Michelle laughs, "After that horrible dance debacle I doubt he wants to have anything to do with me. Besides, you know I don't have time for that."

She's waving a hand like she's dismissing him, but Blair's not quite convinced. It's like Nate and Serena all over again, but she's not sure why she's slightly infatuated with this blond boy when she's trying to get over the other one.

* * *

><p>Blair decides to take a walk one day to see what Shiloh is like outside the palace walls when a Mercedes S-Class — in the obligatory black, of course — pulls up and out steps one David Shepherd. The driver pulls away and Blair all but turns around and walks the other way.<p>

"Blair," David calls out, using his long legs to make his way over to her in two easy strides.

He takes one of her hands into his own and asks, "What were you doing?"

His face is so quizzical and innocent that she has to let go of her insecurities and smile at him.

She takes his hand into her own as she responds, "I was going for a walk. Would you like to come with me?"

A quick nod is all she needs as they discover their new capital city together.

* * *

><p><strong>New York<strong>

* * *

><p><em>In New York City, Carter watches Blair as she lies in the hospital bed, breathing with the aid of a machine. He isn't even sure how this happened. It's been hours since the accident and he has a concussion, but she's in a coma and he isn't sure what to do.<em>

_His father fires their driver for running the red light on Park Avenue and E. 73rd Street. He's ordered him to stay in the hospital until Blair wakes up, but Carter didn't need instructions to follow to stay here, by this girl._

_Serena rushes in, her hair in a tangled mess behind her, to check on her best friend._

"_What happened?" she asks him, and he looks at her pointedly because the information's everywhere._

_Of course, Gossip Girl knew first. _The Times _knew next, updating their website to honor the young socialite. Yet here he is alone with her best friend. Her mother hasn't even shown up and he knows for a fact that she is currently in the city. There are no phone calls from her absent father._

_His fists clench when he eyes the disheveled hair of one Nate Archibald at the hospital door. He's here with a girl that looks nothing like Blair or Serena. It's not a good thing. She has curly black hair, too tight jeans, and large gold hoops in her ears._

_He doesn't have time to think about her before Nate crosses the room and punches him._

_The black-haired girl looks shocked, yelling, "Nate! What are you doing?"_

"_You'll wake her up," the blond boy hisses at this girl._

"_She can't wake up," the girl responds, before clasping a hand over her mouth as she realizes what she is saying._

_It's strange, but Nate's almost in tears when he yells at Carter, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Baizen? I trusted you. It's one thing to swindle me and mess with Chuck, but Blair? BLAIR, Baizen. She was my girlfriend."_

_Serena's still in the corner crying as she gently holds onto Blair's hands. Carter thinks she is whispering something to her best friend, but he can't hear her over the din that is Nate._

_This isn't his fault, but it might as well be, so he just sits back down and stares at his hands in shame as her friends blame him for yet another thing. It's not a new feeling._

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><p><strong>Shiloh<strong>

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><p>Blair's lighthearted in this place called Shiloh as she holds hands with David Shepherd. Her eyes light up when she sees a frozen yogurt sign so he pulls her inside to buy her a cup of vanilla.<p>

"I like fresh strawberries on top," Blair mentions offhand, when the shy guy behind the counter begins to add them.

The fro-yo boy not so subtly stares at Blair and she giggles as she leaves, cup in hand.

* * *

><p>David's apparently not the nice boy Blair thinks he is because he's out until sunrise partying with Jack at afterhours bars with strange underground fetish clubs.<p>

Queen Rose stares at her pointedly as she clicks through the gossip pages. _This site is almost like Gossip Girl_, Blair thinks, before she shakes her head at the boy on the screen.

Why were they never the people she wants them to be?

* * *

><p>Maybe he feels bad because there are missed calls and ignored texts on this smartphone that sort of resembles a Blackberry. They're all from David Shepherd, but Blair won't give him the benefit of the doubt like he's Nate or Chuck or even Carter.<p>

She stays holed up in her room until Queen Rose beckons her to the palace's next ballet event. This time she wears black to symbolize her hardened heart and the long halter gown dips dangerously low on both front and back. Her lips are as crimson as always because she paints them on to cover her insecurities.

She's not even sure why these people are being so goddamn nice to her, because she's not even related to them, but she assumes she has an absent father figure in this fictional world who commands her presence be known.

Michelle comes so they can walk in together and get gawked at as always. They're a pretty picture, the duo, with Blair in black and Michelle in pleated maroon.

* * *

><p>Blair's hair is a mess when Michelle comes in so Michelle takes the time to pin her wayward curls behind her head. It resembles the hairdo the morning she first visited Victrola and she wonders aloud if there are any headbands to wear here.<p>

"There are," Michelle states, before she shuffles around one of the drawers.

She digs out a metal headband that gleams white gold in the palace light with a double band instead of single and puts it on Blair's head. It looks deadly like steel and Blair's never happier.

* * *

><p>Blair thinks she's just about given up on these boys from Shiloh when one snakes up behind her to grab hold of her waist. His hand dips scandalously low on the small of her back, pausing to caress the flesh above the curve of her buttocks.<p>

It's Jack.

His hand is still pressed against her back as he grabs her hand. There's a slight smirk on his face as he leads her in a dance. His body is warm against hers and she can't help but sink into his eyes, which are now more green than brown. The palace visitors pause to let them waltz across the room. Photographers snap photos left and right, the most photogenic of which will definitely end up in the free press in the morning.

"You look beautiful," he mentions, which has Blair dwell on one of the first things Carter said to her on his return to New York.

Perhaps they were the same after all.

However, she still eyes him quizzically, which makes him laugh at her. Another three cameras catch this as Jack expertly maneuvers them across the ballroom floor.

"You've been hanging out with Shepherd," he continues, since she hasn't said anything to him, "Now I knew my sister had bad taste, but you as well? I know I've been neglecting you, but you didn't have to fall into his plebian clutch."

She feels the need to defend David's precious soul, "He's more man than you'll ever be," but this statement doesn't come out half as callous as she'd intended.

He doesn't hold it against her when he strokes her cheek, causing her eyes to momentarily shut, saying, "Now I know you don't think that's true, Blair. Whose name do you scream at night?"

This causes her to open her eyes even wider than before as he chuckles out loud, "No tell me, did you forget about that too? I'll have to reacquaint you with the penthouse."

There's a chaste kiss on her forehead before the song abruptly ends. As he leaves her in the center of the ballroom, the crowd starts filling in around her, like she'd never been alone after all. This kingdom was even lonelier than the one she left behind. It begins to gnaw at her.

* * *

><p>The terrace at the palace of Shiloh is second to none. Blair goes outside to get some air. She's on the second floor when she sees people moving on the floor below her. The granite steps look straight out of Villa Carlotta Terrasse. They wind down to the first floor where she reaches her destination.<p>

David Shepherd is not facing her, but as he hears her footsteps approach, he begins to speak, "Did you know terraces have to be on level sites because they were once regarded as a requisite for comfort?"

It's more words than she expects from him, but she gives him the benefit of the doubt – she's been doing this so much lately, God knows why – by saying, "And are you comforted, Captain Shepherd?"

He turns now, the dimples in his face lighting up, "Please, it's David," and he says it with more sincerity than Carter or even Nate could muster up, so she lets herself stand next to him in the cool breeze by the gardens.

"Just between us," is her only reply, as she lets the wind whip over her face.

David Shepherd's piercing blue eyes are looking straight through her when she declares, "You know, this place is right out of a fairytale, minus the war and whatnot. This garden looks copied from old stories about the Hanging Gardens of Babylon."

David laughs, "Knowing the queen, they probably were."

"I wonder if they were real or just the figment of someone's imagination," Blair ponders.

David ruefully answers, "I suppose we'll never know."

It's another minute before Blair speaks again, "They don't give you enough credit."

"Who?" David wonders, ever the innocent boy.

She answers honestly, "Everyone."

And Blair thinks that maybe it's nice just standing outside here with this boy who doesn't cause her grief. Or _too much grief_, she has to tell herself, because he's still a boy, and therefore he can still hurt her.

* * *

><p>It's much later when Silas steals David away for photo ops and newsworthy things when there's a shrill sound in the wind unlike any that Blair has ever heard. It announces the arrival of Jack.<p>

He clasps his hands at her waist as she closes her eyes and takes her lips roughly with his own. He tastes like aged scotch and fine cigars and just slightly like Carter. She's growing nostalgic.

With one hand tangled in her hair, the other mercilessly attacks her lower back. He's cupping her left buttock when she feels him press hard against her. He's drunk, but so is she, and neither of them care.

"The penthouse," he whispers, in between kisses.

She only nods her confirmation, willing him to take her, either here or there.

They stumble their way out to a waiting car, but not before they run into David. He looks at Blair confused and with sad eyes, but Jack only smirks at him, his hand still gripping Blair at the waist. She's not sure why she's bothered.

* * *

><p>The penthouse is the exact opposite of the castle. Everything is sleek and modern and there are guards at every corner. There are girls frolicking around that glare at her openly, but Jack half carries her upstairs into his bedroom in the loft. They have this whole floor to themselves so they don't have to be quiet and Blair thinks that's a great thing because she's in the mood to be loud.<p>

She's rowdier than she has been in weeks and she's thankful Jack is equal in size to Carter.

He gazes down at her as she's staring at him, "Like something you see, princess?" like it's funny he calls her his sister's title, but she doesn't laugh as she takes him in her mouth.

He's not talking – hell, he's not even breathing – as her head bobs up and down his length. It's just when he's about to come when he reluctantly pulls out of her mouth and slams into her. She's still wearing her dress, but he lifts it up around her hips to get better access. He's rougher than Carter – much rougher than Chuck even – and she savors the feeling of being pounded as he slides in and out of her in rapid motion.

When he pauses to breathe heavily, she takes the opportunity to flip him over and pull off her dress. He looks surprised at her rapid movements, but chuckles as she rides him hard. He stops laughing when she bites down on his shoulder. When they both come consecutively, they cry out each other's names as they seek release in one another.

She falls asleep in his arms like she's almost in love with him and she wonders if perhaps she is.

* * *

><p><strong>New York<strong>

* * *

><p><em>She hears the murmur of his voice as she slowly begins to wake up, but the lights are too bright for the gloominess of Shiloh and she prays she is still there as she opens her eyes.<em>

"_Blair," he whispers, "You're okay."_

"_What happened?" she asks, "Did I hit my head again?"_

"_Again?" he questions, "It was just the once, and I'm sorry."_

"_It's not your fault," she replies softly, "How long have I been here?"_

"_A week," he answers, before placing a hand against her head, "I'll call your doctor."_

_Blair gazes around her hospital bed, but this place looks eerily familiar to her, "Are we at CrossGen?" she wonders, because she knows Jack's family funds the hospital as well._

"_No, it's Lenox Hill," he responds, "Are you okay, Blair? I'll page the doctor."_

_And the words Lenox Hill mean she's in Manhattan and this is Carter, not Jack, and she doesn't know why this makes her feel worse than she did before. There's another throb in her head before the harsh yellow lighting of the hospital quickly begins to fade away and suddenly she's lost to him again._

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><p><strong>Shiloh<strong>

* * *

><p>When Blair awakens, she is even more alone than in her dreams. But then she thinks, is this not the dream, and the dream her reality? It's all so confusing to her until she clearly recognizes the stark interior of CrossGen, bare of any ornamentation.<p>

A nurse comes to check on her, smiling falsely behind a façade of bravery, "Miss Blair, you been asleep for nine days. You miss much."

Her vaguely Eastern European accent makes Blair miss Dorota and she wipes the unwanted moisture from her face.

Calmly, she asks, "Is Prince Jack nearby?" because surely he would want to at least check on her.

The nurse tartly shakes her head, "Diplomatic duty."

"And David?" Blair wonders, because she misses him as well, "Shepherd, I mean."

"With the prince," the nurse replies, before huffing about the room and leaving quite suddenly.

Blair is even more confused than when the nurse first walked in. Her eyelids are feeling heavy with the added medicine to her IV, so she shuts her eyes and lets herself drift off to sleep. Perhaps one of the boys – or both, if she's lucky – will be by her side when she wakes up.

* * *

><p>It is David who finds Blair first. To be honest she's not surprised. David is her Nate – she is quite sure of it now – the way Jack is her Carter slash Chuck slash boy who hates to love her. Or loves to hate her? She still doesn't know.<p>

Too many slashes make her dizzy with thought, so she focuses her attention on the boy at her hospital bed.

"They still haven't released me," she casually mentions, because he still hasn't said anything yet.

He's silent for a moment, but his blue eyes are read as easily as a first edition _Pride and Prejudice_.

"You were out for nine days."

"I know that," Blair quips, "The nurse offhandedly mentioned it."

"You don't seem that put out by it," he throws in.

She changes the subject, "Apparently you went on a diplomatic mission."

She's curious, she'll admit it.

David scoffs, "If you want to call it that."

"What do you want to call it?" she queries.

He's silent again and she's sorry she asked, until he mutters, "It doesn't matter what I want. It never does."

With this, he leaves the room and she's alone again. She falls asleep within the minute.

* * *

><p>Blair is back at the palace after another five days. The air is different now that King Silas has gotten rid of his right hand man. Blair wasn't sure he knew how to operate without him.<p>

Jack is campaigning to fill the empty position, but Blair wonders aloud, "Aren't you a little young?"

He gives her that delightful half smirk of his before replying, "New kingdom, new rules, baby."

He slides a gifted hand up the back of her fitted blue dress and pulls her into an alcove to sink his delicious tongue into her waiting mouth. They twirl in semi circles until she surrenders, her back against a wall. He's teasing her – she knows this plainly – but she can't bring herself to care as she lets her hand drift into his hair.

It's over in another moment because he has business to attend to.

With a hand lightly grazing her cheek and a kiss on her forehead, he whispers, "Do try to take better care of yourself for me, will you? I'll check on you tonight."

She nods her promise before he disappears behind a set of double glass doors.

* * *

><p>Blair is lying in her thousand thread count sheets counting the ticking seconds when it occurs to her that Jack isn't coming. It's three in the morning and he <em>sort of <em>promised, yet he's still not here.

She can't even lie and say she's surprised.

If he can break promises, so can she, so she hastily throws the covers off her bed and slips on an ivory robe. There are matching slippers that fit her feet which she hastily puts on.

* * *

><p>She doesn't even know why she's wandering the palace so late, just that she is. There are guards at every corner who all but ignore her. She tries to catch their attention, but their eyes flicker away from hers the second she turns to them.<p>

In seven minutes, she's on the first floor. In another thirty seconds, she's on the floor below. The garage is eerily quiet at this time of night, until she is startled by a long, black Mercedes. The driver steps out of the car to open a door for her.

She slips in as he asks her, "Where to, Miss Blair?"

Without question, she answers, "David Shepherd's, please," even though she knows it's a bad idea, but she's tired of bad ideas like she's tired of bad boys.

* * *

><p>It's a quarter till four when an unruly David answers his door. His eyes widen in surprise as he takes in Blair's appearance. He quietly lets her in.<p>

"Would you like anything?"

Blair laughs once, "I come to your door unexpected slightly before sunrise and you ask if I'd like anything?"

David assures her, "The offer still stands."

"No," Blair responds, "I'm fine. I just wanted company."

"I can give that," he mentions, ruffling a hand through his uncontrollable blonde hair.

She makes her way to the couch to settle in, but he shakes his head, lazily pointing to his bed.

"I can't take your bed," she insists.

"We're both adults. I don't bite, I promise."

She makes her way over, playfully asking, "And what if I ask nicely?"

His dimpled grin is her only response.

* * *

><p>Blair doesn't run into Jack again until King Silas's birthday party, a night full of melodrama that embarrassingly enough includes her own.<p>

Jack brings a generic brunette with a solid last name. Blair squints her eyes to try to remember if she's met her, but she doesn't think she has. It doesn't matter anyway.

Jack catches her eyes across the room. They hold steady for fifteen seconds, before releasing their hold on her. She calmly remembers to breathe.

* * *

><p>It's another minute before she can excuse herself, running into Michelle.<p>

"You look beautiful," Michelle murmurs, and Blair returns her words.

She's pacing in the hallway where thousands of people are lined up to give Silas his gifts, but no one second glances her. She gives herself two more minutes before she exits the party into the first room she can find. She's suffocating and she doesn't understand why.

* * *

><p>Thoughts of Jack amount in her head as a vaguely Russian composition is being played on the grand piano. It's David.<p>

"You're everywhere," she mentions offhand, as he quietly shrugs in agreement.

She continues, "Why haven't you gone in yet?"

Another shrug. It's unnerving.

Blair sighs, "The party's boring anyway, but I'm sure you've been at enough of these things to gather that by now."

"I'll agree to that one," he finally answers.

They're a silent pair again. The lights go out before Blair decides to speak next.

In the dark, things appear to be different. In reality, they are the same, only hidden by the quiet of the night.

* * *

><p><strong>New York<strong>

* * *

><p><em>The dark is nearly as piercing as the first rays of sunlight coming through on a bright sunny day and Blair wonders how she's trapped in such an incredible feeling. It must not be real if she feels this good, she realizes, because she has never felt like this as she's been conscious.<em>

_She wants so badly to open her eyes, because she can almost feel the warmth of the sun on her face, but they remain shut like her cold heart and no one is the wiser._

_Blair allows herself to float in this strange realm for moments longer, because she is happy here. She is content._

_In this world, people do bow down to her as if she reigns supreme. Boys do flock to her as if they need her very existence to survive._

_Nate is the attentive boyfriend who never second glances at blondes-who-must-not-be-named._

_Chuck's eyes are forever trained on hers._

_And the moment that makes it all too real for her and lets her know that this is definitely a dream is when Carter Baizen gives her his whole heart._

* * *

><p><strong>Shiloh<strong>

* * *

><p>Blair awakes with a start.<p>

These slips into unconsciousness are happening all too frequently lately and once again, she finds herself in a white gown above white sheets surrounded by the great expanse of white walls.

It's enough to make a girl go insane.

She isn't sure she hasn't already when she realizes – yet again – that this is probably the dream and her dreams the reality.

It's sad that she knows which she prefers.

* * *

><p>There are murmurs of a coup d'état within the stone walls of the palace. Blair can't honestly say she's surprised.<p>

Silas has been good to her, as good as he could be, she assumes. Everyone from his wife to his son to his entire nation thinks he is hard to read, but she knows a cold face when she sees once.

She's mirrored in his face more than she cares to be as she realizes not even Jack is as callous as Silas. Michelle isn't even close.

* * *

><p>There's the blackout and then nothing and then the trial and more nothing.<p>

Blair's lives – she separates them distinctly in her mind now – are equally complicated no matter where she seems to be living them out and she accepts this wholeheartedly now. There's no use in denying it anymore.

* * *

><p>David is put on trial to stand for high treason. Blair and Michelle are openmouthed as they vie to find the words to argue on his behalf, but Silas is having none of it.<p>

Michelle holes herself up in her room as Blair makes her nightly walks more frequent with each passing night. It is the only time the halls are quiet, the only time she truly has to herself.

It's not even time truly spent with herself, because there is always a guard – or five – at every given turn, but she treats them like she treats her drivers in her other life. There's a lurch in her stomach as she turns a sharp corner, but she ignores it like she ignores the worse things occurring in the present.

The feeling doesn't subside.

* * *

><p>Jack spends every waking moment devoted to destroying David's very existence.<p>

He's coldhearted and unfeeling and Blair should be put off by this very notion, but instead it makes her insides tingle with something she hasn't felt in entirely too long.

She is disgusted with herself.

* * *

><p>As she watches David give a steady defense for himself, she also watches Jack completely tear him apart with accusations. She wants to believe they are lies, but with photographic proof, who is she to believe?<p>

Her heart seems to lie with David, yet her insides ache for Jack.

It's junior year all over again and her thoughts drift longingly to Nate and Chuck. She wonders briefly how they are doing.

* * *

><p>There is a fleeting moment in the hallway that Blair has to herself – even though it is midday – when she leaves the trial unexpectedly. It's all beginning to be a little too much for her and she berates herself for not being able to handle a simple trial.<p>

Her father – not to mention her stepfather – would be ashamed if they knew.

But, it wasn't a simple trial, she told herself. It was about David and that's why it mattered. It was the only reason it mattered.

* * *

><p>She must have been roaming the hallway longer than expected, because Thomasina comes out to warn her of the coming people.<p>

"Thank you," Blair mentions, but she makes no move to leave before the swarms of people arrive.

Thomasina makes that knowing face she always makes before bowing her head in a look of near reverence.

She asks Blair, "Is there anything I can do for you, miss?"

It's about time to ask about her upbringing in this place. She desperately wants to as she looks into Thomasina's eyes, but this woman is loyal to the king and Blair fears he has something to do with her utter lack of parents here.

She refrains from asking and instead whispers, "No, I'm alright. Thank you."

Thomasina utters, "Ma'am," before she turns and leaves.

The people come soon after and they are louder than anything Blair has ever heard before. Or, she had just tuned them out before. She wasn't sure she enjoyed properly listening.

* * *

><p>It turns out Blair's first instincts are always the correct ones when she abruptly wakes as the clock signals three o'clock. There are hushed whispers outside her door. She leaves her bed to better hear. Later, she will wish she never did.<p>

"Mom, I'm scared," Michelle's even voice sounds through the door.

Queen Rose doesn't seem like she is appeasing her only daughter in any manner, but Blair notices the girl's near quiet sobbing has almost stopped. She wonders what she is crying about.

Michelle whispers so lightly Blair can barely hear, "I don't know what to do."

"You already made your decision," Queen Rose states in a callous, matter of fact tone, "Now you have to live with it."

"Will I ever see you again?" Michelle wonders, and now Blair is really wondering what is going on outside her door.

Queen Rose only says, "One day, when I feel it is safe for you. It won't be while your father is still hunting David down."

Michelle adds, "And the baby," and Blair has to clutch her mouth fully to not gasp from the pain that this information causes.

* * *

><p>It's not that surprising to her, honestly, because David was never really hers. Blair plays the part of the replacement quite well. It's not a part she's pleased to act out, but it's a part she's mastered over the years.<p>

There, she is Blair because Nate can't have Serena. Here, she is Blair because David can't have Michelle. The austere reality of this sinks in, threatening her very sanity, so she pushes all thoughts of all-American – or all-Gilboan, but that's relative – boys away from her head in an effort to maintain some dignity.

* * *

><p>It all comes crashing down one early Wednesday morning in what Blair will one day call the longest day of her life. She watches Jack stand trial against his own father who threatens treason against his only son. Jack is tired, but still ardent in his mannerisms. Silas blows all of this over by being even more vicious than he was before.<p>

Blair knows Silas favors Michelle, but the way he treats this boy should be a crime in itself. No one dares to say anything to the king, but she will be damned if she lets anything happen to him. David is now lost to her, like he never existed before, but Jack is the king's son. Kings' sons don't just disappear without a trace.

* * *

><p>Blair is always one to plan, plot, and design her life to a tee, but when Andrew Cross offers her the opportunity of a lifetime, she takes it so fast she has to wonder who she is and what she has done with Blair Waldorf. He hands her a key, but leaves the rest up to her.<p>

* * *

><p>It's still Wednesday and it's bright outside, but Jack is locked in a cell because his own father is condemning him for finally sticking up for David. The key grows sweaty in Blair's closed palm as her heart nervously beats the closer she gets to the site.<p>

It's easier than she thinks, to unlock the door to his cell. He looks up at her surprised, but when she utters his uncle's name, a dark look of reckoning mars his handsome features. He follows her anyway, as she leads him into a darkened corridor that she has never used before.

She doesn't really know the way – she doesn't even know where she is going, to be honest – and is shocked when Jack takes the lead, his warm hand encasing her own. Her heart has calmed down, so her palms are less moist, but now the air feels cooler to her, like they are on their way to something they will never escape.

* * *

><p>There is a car in the garage that they are hesitant to step toward, but the door opens and they are ushered in. Not surprisingly, Andrew Cross is waiting. Jack doesn't look happy, but he lifts Blair into the dark vehicle before getting in on his own.<p>

He mutters, "I didn't know you were one for escaping, _uncle_."

An amused Andrew chuckles before answering, "Oh, you thought you were escaping? No, dear boy, we're staging a coup."

Now it's Blair's turn to look incredulous, but Jack doesn't look surprised to hear this information.

"You knew?" she half whispers, a little disappointed in him.

He shakes his head at her, his light eyes piercing, "It's the only way."

She is still hesitant when she asks, "You would kill your own father?"

"He would kill me just as easily, as you've seen," Jack mutters, all nonchalance and unforgiveness.

They are in the midst of this when the car exits the garage and turns onto the busy street. When the light turns green, the driver steps on the gas a little too hard and they are hit from the side by another car running the red light. Everything goes black and Blair feels the déjà vu come all too easily this time.

* * *

><p><strong>New York<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Blair wakes up in the hospital bed again, but this time there is no Carter by her bedside. Even Serena has left her side after all this time. The flowers that had been so plentiful before are absent in this world of white.<em>

_Her fingers grasp at her ultra long hair, slightly appalled by the dullness of the color. She wants to badly look into a mirror, but part of her doesn't, either. A nurse comes in, looks surprised, and then leaves again._

_Several minutes later a doctor enters. He's different than the ones she has had before. She notes this aloud._

"_Yes, I'm your new doctor, Blair. How are you feeling?" asks Dr. Cullen, a tall blond who looks to be no older than thirty._

"_Alright," she mentions, "Where is everybody?"_

_Dr. Cullen asks, "Your family?"_

_Blair shakes her head, "My friends."_

"_Blair, what year do you think it is?"_

"_It's 2009," she answers, already bored with his stupid questions._

"_I see," Dr. Cullen replies, jotting down a few notes on her file, "Let me go grab something for you."_

_When he comes back with a copy of _The New York Times_, Blair eagerly takes it into her hands. There must be so much she's missed and she's keen on catching up. What stops her is the date. It is October 18, 2011._

_She thumbs through the world news, bypassing Gaza, the end of the war on terror, and reports on China's growing economic influence. The style section remains roughly the same – actually, not much of the newspaper has changed, for which she is thankful – and what catches Blair's eye is one of the engagement announcements._

_There is no way._

* * *

><p><em>It is another month before Dr. Cullen lets Blair out of his sight, which is annoying, but she deals with it. She supposes she has to, but she also supposes it doesn't hurt that he is pretty much the best looking guy she has ever seen. The wedding band on his finger deters her because she is not Serena or Penelope.<em>

_Thoughts of Penelope make her gag and thoughts of her old best friend make her want to throw something, so Blair settles for something in between when she throws her half eaten food across the room and makes a mad dash to the bathroom to throw up the other half._

_She also supposes some habits cannot be given up._

* * *

><p><em>It is supposed to be the fall semester of her junior year of college, but there is no Yale because she hasn't even started school. She remembers Dr. Cullen's words and breathes in and out to not stress herself too greatly.<em>

_They still don't know why she was out for nearly two years. By now, she's tired of hearing the same thing over and over._

* * *

><p><em>This city with its millions of inhabitants seems even emptier than before. Sometimes, when she closes her eyes, she can see the bright lights of Shiloh and feel Jack's cool breath on her face.<em>

_Other times, she wishes she fit into this world as well. Nate is living his grandfather's dream at Yale while his father rots away in a prison cell upstate._

* * *

><p><em>Serena skips the Ivies in favor of traveling the world with her now very present father. <em>The New York Post _had her last location as Espoo, which doesn't surprise Blair. The Träskända Mansion has been in the van der Woodsen family for centuries._

* * *

><p><em>When Blair calls up Bass Industries, the bored secretary on the other side of the line merely tells her, "Mr. Bass is out of town on business."<em>

_After she hears the words for the twenty fourth time, she stops calling._

* * *

><p><em>It is Blair's favorite time of the year when some of her friends return home. Nate greets her with a kiss and a smile, as if nothing has changed, but she notices the weariness in his eyes and attributes it to Grandfather's totalitarian behavior.<em>

_Even the Humphreys try to talk to her, but she will have none of it. She may have been an invalid for many, many months, but she has not sunk this level yet. She hopes she never will._

_Blair looks expectantly for Serena, but Lily sadly tells her she has not returned once since Blair fell ill. She tells her not to expect her tonight, either._

* * *

><p><em>It is almost beginning to be too much, so Blair grabs her phone to speed dial Dr. Cullen – the only constant in her life that accepts her random three o'clock calls because he never seems to sleep – when a hand grabs her phone and snaps it shut.<em>

"_What in the –" Blair begins, but pauses when she notices Carter Baizen's disheveled hair._

* * *

><p><em>When she closes her eyes to remember the taste of Jack Benjamin's lips on hers, she swears she can almost taste him until she realizes Carter is kissing her. Her eyes snap open as her arms vehemently push him away from her.<em>

"_What's wrong?" Carter asks, the first words he has asked her since the last time she woke up in the hospital bed._

_Blair replies, "What's wrong? You're kissing me."_

_He doesn't even smirk as he runs a hand through his messy hair. She traces a trail of facial hair, absentmindedly wondering why he hasn't shaved._

"_I was too busy thinking about you," he answers her, even though she hasn't asked the question out loud._

_She points a finger at him accusingly, "You're engaged."_

"_Not anymore."_

"_Why not?" she has to ask, because she has been wondering ever since she saw the announcement in _The Times_._

_He simply replies, "You woke up. I couldn't pretend anymore."_

* * *

><p><em>Later, in the confines of Carter's 59th Street apartment, Blair will wake up and discover their bodies amongst a sea of satin sheets. She can pretend in the dark like it's nobody's business. In the dark, she is Blair, he is Jack, this is his penthouse in Shiloh, and they are happy.<em>


End file.
